You just found out your husband has been cheating on you and all you want to know is why?! The answer to why men cheat may not make the pain go away or lessen at all, but it will help you start to untangle the hundreds of questions you have wound up in your mind right now.

The Reasons Why Men Cheat

The following are the top five reasons why men cheat. While there are many reasons out there why men cheat, these are some of the most common. Understanding the situation that goes along with the cheating, can explain much about the affair and how you can proceed with your recovery and saving your marriage.

Reason #1: He Wants to Escape Reality

Sometimes people who cheat are doing it to escape reality. Those who are under extreme stress want to run from what is causing them pain. They want to run to what isn’t real.

When you think of an affair, that’s what they mostly are – thrill seeking, good times filled with fantasies, good times and care free atmospheres.

The problem is that once the cheater comes back to reality, the fantasy causes him even more stress, which then leads him back to the affair for more of that freedom from the pain.

This may make you think, “Well, does this mean he is leaving because of pain that I am causing him?”

Not necessarily – It’s not always the marriage that causes the stress that makes men cheat. It can be stress from work, the death of a loved one, or some other outside stressor.

Reason #2: Drugs or Alcohol Use

Men who use drugs or alcohol have a higher likelihood to cheat. When under the influence, people have poor judgment, lower inhibitions and make bad decisions. With regular drug and/or alcohol use, cheating can happen regularly.

Reason #3: Mental Illness

Men with some types of mental illness, such as bipolar disorder, can cheat. Mania, which is a symptom of bipolar disorder, causes people to lack impulse control, make bad decisions, and take advantage of people because of their selfishness.

Some symptoms of mental illness can cause people to have many of the same behaviors that people who use drugs and alcohol exhibit. In some situations, people with mental illness, turn to drugs and alcohol to cope with their symptoms, which then causes them to cheat.

If your husband is able to realize that he has a mental illness and get professional help for his disorder, he will be able to begin to work with you in repairing the marriage. Before he is able to realize that his illness is causing him to ruin his marriage, he will continue to act on his symptoms, which will be difficult to control. It’s important for you, as the victim, to speak to someone like a relationship coach to help you deal with this difficult situation.

Reason #4: Seeking Emotional Connection

Some men lose the emotional connection they once had with their wife. Instead of working on the marriage to re-establish that emotional connection, they find a new connection with someone else. This leads to an emotional affair or full-blown (emotional and physical affair).

Is all hope lost if your husband cheats because he’s lost that emotional connection with you and connects with someone else? No. A DEEP emotional connection takes years to develop and the affair he is having is surface. While the emotional connection may have faltered between you and your husband, the foundation remains. Building on that foundation is possible with work on your marriage.

Reason #5: Thrill Seeker

Some men cheat because they are thrill seekers. They enjoy the game of doing something wrong and not being caught. They don’t want to be in a monogamous relationship because it’s boring to them. They want variety in their life and want to be able to do more with as many people as possible.

It’s difficult to continue in a monogamous relationship with this type of person. They are not settled with one person and won’t be happy this way. They may not want to hurt you, but you will feel betrayed and rejected. It’s traumatic to find out you married someone like this because these attributes may not come out until years after marriage. It’s important to get help for yourself after cheating in the relationship has occurred so you can get through the recovery so you can find a healthy loving relationship someday.

 

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