Your spouse cheats on you with someone you may or may not think is more attractive than you. This has lead you to look in the mirror much more to find every possible thing that is wrong with your appearance. While  it’s highly likely your spouse didn’t cheat on you because of the way you look, self esteem takes a hit.

It’s natural to think about your appearance after an affair. It is also normal to want to improve yourself. It’s actually good to do that. It will make you feel better about yourself.

The problem lies when you improve some aspect of yourself, but then find something else wrong. Or finding something wrong with yourself you are unable to fix. This is when depression can set in making recovering from infidelity even more difficult.

Depression adds to the negativity you have about yourself. It makes you see more of the things wrong with yourself rather than the right.

The mind is a powerful thing. It can make you feel like you are the ugliest person alive or it can make you feel like the most beautiful.

What is important to realize is that it truly is your mind that makes you think and feel like you are unattractive. No matter what anyone says, you are beautiful in some ways. No one is perfect. No one is attractive in every way.

Yes, of course, you can look at others and think about all the ways you wish you were more like them, but the reality is those same people are looking at others thinking they had what they have.

All you can do is do what makes you feel good. Ask yourself what you can do to help your appearance.  Make a list of all of them. After you’ve listed everything you want to change, go back through to circle everything you can change.

Next, choose two and devise a plain of how you will change it. Only work on two of them, as taking on more will overwhelm you.

As for the things you want to change but can’t, coaching can help. The process of acceptance is a difficult one, but definitely possible. Coming to terms with yourself and being able to see that you are a good person with many good attributes takes changing beliefs not only about yourself but about the world around you.

If you’d like to start working on yourself with a life coach, please contact me today. We can put you on the road to recovery for not only your affair, but also to higher self-esteem.

Petraeus cheated on his wife. So now people everywhere are discussing his affair and infidelity in marriage in general.

Today invited a psychologist on their show to answer the question, Why Do Powerful Men Stray?

Check it out here:

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The reason why everyone is talking about the reasons behind why powerful men cheat is because no one understands why they would risk so much in their life. Look at all of the people they mentioned in this video — they all had so much going for them, but it just didn’t keep them from risking it all.

All of us can sit back on the outside and look into these situations and think, “What an idiot. Why would he do something so stupid?” Here’s the thing though, adulterers don’t think they will get caught. They are also on a power trip, so they think if they do get caught they won’t get into trouble. Everyone will keep it a secret.

The problem is that the secret often comes out eventually. I am sure his wife knew what was going on. A wife always knows … She chose not to pursue it because of the implications it would have on herself and her family. She wouldn’t be the one to leak, she just let it leak some other way.

Affair-Proof a Marriage? No.

I have to disagree with the expert in the video that says you can affair proof a marriage. I do not believe a marriage can be affair proof. Each person in a marriage has a responsibility. If they are unable to keep that responsibility, it’s the job of that person to end the marriage – not have an affair.

The problem with the media I see all the time is that they try to attack the marriage. No one’s marriage is perfect. If you look at every marriage, you can see reasons why an affair may happen.

Infidelity in marriage happens because one spouse loses his or her sight of his responsibility in marriage. In this case, Petraeus also lost sight of his responsibility to the United States.

How dare him! Your spouse cheated on you. You’re devastated and shocked. You’re mad. You’re sad. You have no idea what you are at this point.

You can stay. You can go. You want to do what’s right for you and your family, but you can’t think straight – you can’t even see straight.

You are the victim of betrayal.

 What to Do About a Cheating Spouse…

The moment you found out your spouse cheated on you, it’s likely you thought of many things you could do in the situation. You may have thought of being violent towards him or his belongings. You may have wanted to fall to the ground and die.

However, once that all settled, you ended up with the thought, “What do I do with this cheating spouse of mine…”

The first step is simple. If your cheating spouse wants to continue the affair, you owe it to yourself to leave the marriage. Unless you want to stand by while he goes off with his girlfriend, and you stay home alone or take care of the kids. You’d be better off taking care of yourself, the kids, and staying far away from the misery your spouse has caused you.

If your spouse wants to end the affair, and come back to the marriage to reconcile, that’s when you have a decision to make. Reconciling isn’t easy. It’s a long, arduous road.

It’s a road that will end though. It’s a road that turns into a straight, smooth, and flat one. You may have dips in it, and you may have some pot holes once and a while, but if you make it to this better road, you’re in a much better place.

If your cheating spouse wants to stop his cheating ways. If he wants to dedicate himself to repairing the marriage, and he wants to show you that he loves you. The decision to reconcile is in your hands. You hold the power. You can say good bye forever because of the deceit, or you can say, “Okay, let’s give it a try. I won’t promise anything, but if you are true to this, it might just work out.”

If you’ve found yourself at a crossroads, and you need help with this scary, frustrating time, contact me for relationship coaching. I can help you make sense of the turmoil that’s taken over your life. You can take over this situation, and make your life anything you want it to be – you just need help figuring what you want and then taking the steps to get it.

The roads of life are ever changing…which road will you take?